Sounds like a black and white horror movie, right?
Unfortunately, it was real life. I set up a life insurance policy, and part of the process was getting checked out by a nurse. Turns out that they make house calls instead of making you go to an office somewhere. Wayyyyyy better. She shows up right on time and she turns out to be hoot. Called herself a vampire (BECAUSE SHE’S ABOUT TO TAKE MY BLOOD GET IT?!) and she genuinely came from Transylvania country before stopping by the house. After taking my blood pressure (120/60) and heart rate (54) she asks: Do you have a history of light-headedness or dizziness when drawing blood? Turns out I do. I passed out getting a TB test for college. My belief is that my inside stuff should stay on the inside. Weird, right? We both sit down cross legged on the floor and do The Evil Thingf™ by the couch. While I’m concentrating on flexing my legs to push blood up-stairs, she distracts me with questions about life & philosophy & work. I explain what I do and she says: You should write a book! I answered: I DID! I crawl behind the couch to the big ol’ box of books I have for my show and grabbed one for her. Then I performed The Mind Reading Miracle™ that the book teaches you how to do. Her eyes go wide. I tell her that the instructions on how to do that for her friends are hidden somehwere inside. She insists that I autograph it for her. I write “To my favorite vampire. . .” — If you haven’t picked up a copy, you can get one here:
And if you’ve bought one but didn’t find the secret? You can’t skip chapters this time. X^D
